i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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