Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
