wakey wakey hands off snakey
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
