Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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