I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
