while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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