Swine flu is the new snow day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
