was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
