About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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