Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
