I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
