she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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