There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
