She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
