so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
