I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
