Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
