I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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