I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
