I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
