They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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