Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
