hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
