Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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