Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
