walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When did angry sex become our thing?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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