she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
