i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
