Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
