You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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