He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
