I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
did you just send me my own nude
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
