I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
