He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
