i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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