I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
