you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
