I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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