imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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