I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
