just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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