I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
