remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
