I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
