Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
