We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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