my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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