ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
