Got a toothbrush?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
