theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
