You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize