I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
