my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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