I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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