So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i think i just lost a toe
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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