Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize