No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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