Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
