Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
