hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
