is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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