i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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