you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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