talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
