Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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