The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
