I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
