smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
