is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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