do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
