imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
