once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
