hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
