Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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