Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
