My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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