y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
