so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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