My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
