It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
