why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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