Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
