are you so shy because you have an std?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
