I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
