Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
