My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
