Having a random hookup so left but love u
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
