Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
