could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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