Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
