ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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