She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
