I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
