areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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