It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
