you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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