Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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