Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
