I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I checked into jail on foursquare
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
