Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize