READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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