I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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