The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
